It actually irritated me a little that someone would, anonymously – like a troll, suggest that I was second guessing my choice for residency. In part because they completely missed what I was trying to write about, but more from the idea that I was having some kind of reaction formation about choosing anesthesia over surgery.
I made the decision early in 4th year. Up to that point it wasn’t that clear – since I’d only ever had very minute experiences with anesthesia, but had multiple and impressionably profound moments of surgery throughout the previous 3 years. It’s always easier to believe that you’re fit for something when you get more knowledge about a field – plain and simple. Once I had a month of anesthesia under me my choice was not that hard.
But it is true that I also made the choice based on a desire to be with my family. An desire that didn't seem as feasible the more I was able to perceive resident and attending surgeons doing very little with their kids and spending countless hours at the hospital. Yet someone feels that I am trying to create a negative attitude about surgery simply to remind myself why anesthesia was the better choice. I tried to ignore this absurdity for a time, but it’s just gotten under my skin and I feel the need to just say "fuck off"! And that’s enough about that topic.
On a different note – I have realized that I will suck starting July 1st. Two days in the ICU have taught me that I unquestionably know dick. 4 years of med school and I still suck my thumb when confronted with sick-as-hell patients.