This letter is to a certain person who, while at a community function, asked me why I was becoming a doctor. Enjoy:
To Mr. Hair-Plug Extraordinaire,
I find it interesting that you feel a career in the medical field is worthless. Simply because you think medicine is bogus and most doctors don’t know shit. Your love for the herbal remedies and accupuncturist you regularly see amaze me. Maybe you think that being all cool with WOO is the way to go. Maybe you’re a dumb ass.
The fact that you told me about the time you diagnosed yourself with some rare blood disease (which you weren’t even pronouncing correctly - it’s von Willebrand’s disease, not von Winter brand like Wintergreen - it's not gum) after using your high speed internet connection made me feel all warm inside - like I was going to hurl. Oh, by the way, just so you realize how silly you appeared - VWD is NOT a rare disease - it’s one of the most common coagulation disorders out there. And you did not have the disease. Getting bruised while doing manual labor does not a platelet deficiency make.
Perhaps you hold some feeling that you are special. I could sense the narcissism rising during our conversation as you elaborated on the countless ways in which you’re smarter than everyone at the “function” and that all of your doctors have gone away learning from you. You’ve told docs how to treat you and have always been correct. Sure. Whatever.
Maybe it was your own insecurity rising as my eyes could not resist looking at your new hair plugs over and over. God, where did you get those things? I guess with your vast knowledge you probably did the procedure yourself.
Whatever the reason you need to clearly get some help. You’re an asshole. A 40 year old bastard that no one likes. Because I was watching my kids play and was around you does not mean that I was interested in your life choices and feelings. You, my friend, are the reason that I decided against primary care medicine. You’re wrong, plain and simple. Unfortunately you're probably too stupid to know any better.