I may be MIA for a while - in fact a month or so - starting today. I've got my away rotation in my 2nd choice for residency (at least at the moment) that begins Monday. I want to be impressive and need to study a lot. Plus there's probably not going to be a lot of places where I'll be able to blog since where I'm staying only has dial up and I'm not for waiting hours on end just to update.
So, with that being said...enjoy the archives and check back every now and then for the impromptu update.
Also wish me luck. I feel I might need it.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Impressive. Most Impressive
I’ve had the "pleasure" of being harassed in the OR by a couple surgeons who feel I’m “wasting my natural talent with Anesthesia” or that I’ve “gone to the dark side” of the curtain. I’ve also received similar remarks from other physicians in Internal Med and Family Med when asked what field I decided to enter.
In some ways it feels good that a reaction such as this is generated when people find out that I’m not pursuing their field. It means that they felt I might have made a good cutter or were desirous for me to pursue a residency and become their colleague. I was wanted.
What is upsetting, however, is the underlying insult that Anesthesiology is a weaker field. Whatever the reason (perhaps seeing people getting to eat and sit while surgeons starve and stand for hours on end has something to do with it) Anesthesia is an exciting field that is very misunderstood. I understand this to some degree and have begun to accept the fact that others will always consider me a lesser doctor (hell, part of my personal statement discusses this very thing).
Despite this, however, I’ve taken these comments (backhanded though some might be) and thanked the surgeon, Internist, Family doc, etc. for their praise. Because that’s what it is – praise for a job well done over last year. I’m grateful for it, in whatever form it takes, and will hope to only continue to impress as I continue my career.
Now I just have to grow thicker skin…
In some ways it feels good that a reaction such as this is generated when people find out that I’m not pursuing their field. It means that they felt I might have made a good cutter or were desirous for me to pursue a residency and become their colleague. I was wanted.
What is upsetting, however, is the underlying insult that Anesthesiology is a weaker field. Whatever the reason (perhaps seeing people getting to eat and sit while surgeons starve and stand for hours on end has something to do with it) Anesthesia is an exciting field that is very misunderstood. I understand this to some degree and have begun to accept the fact that others will always consider me a lesser doctor (hell, part of my personal statement discusses this very thing).
Despite this, however, I’ve taken these comments (backhanded though some might be) and thanked the surgeon, Internist, Family doc, etc. for their praise. Because that’s what it is – praise for a job well done over last year. I’m grateful for it, in whatever form it takes, and will hope to only continue to impress as I continue my career.
Now I just have to grow thicker skin…
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Ya Veo
So an experiment has been started. One that I’m directly involved with and the outcomes of which affect me directly. That experiment? Vision.
Yes, I went to see the optometrist over the weekend to get my eyes checked. I figured it would a wise idea before leaving for a month since I couldn’t see a computer screen 5 feet from my face in the hospital. Scary to think I was responsible for this patient’s vitals at the time.
So I was told I couldn’t pass a driver’s vision test with my current decreased visual acuity and received my first pair of contacts - ever. Wife felt they’d be a better option since we have a 3 year old, I’m always futzing with my face, I break sunglasses a lot, and the like. Plus she didn’t want to be married to a 4-eyed geek.
Now I’m 5 days into the experiment and have mixed feelings.
Pros: I love being able to see - it’s like HD in real life! Who knew there were details to all of the trees around us and that you can read exit signs across a store? I've been able to check vitals and physiological components from a distance and can actually read the suture boxes in the cabinets.
Cons: I hate the feeling of something foreign in my eyes. Hate. It. I’ve got eyelashes in my eyes all of the time and the environment of the OR only increases this discomfort - or that's how it feels. Plus I’ve lost them in my eye a few times and have seriously irritated the crap out of my right eye trying to locate the lost lens.
Thus far I’m thinking I’m going with the glasses. I know people have to get used to these, but damn if this doesn’t suck. Sometimes they feel fine, then I blink and “BAM” it’s back to the nuisance of hair again. My optometrist changed them yesterday to “lenses for those with sensitive eyes” (i.e. babies) but I’ve not seen any improvement.
Maybe glasses while at work, then contacts when at home? That ‘s an option, I guess.
Yes, I went to see the optometrist over the weekend to get my eyes checked. I figured it would a wise idea before leaving for a month since I couldn’t see a computer screen 5 feet from my face in the hospital. Scary to think I was responsible for this patient’s vitals at the time.
So I was told I couldn’t pass a driver’s vision test with my current decreased visual acuity and received my first pair of contacts - ever. Wife felt they’d be a better option since we have a 3 year old, I’m always futzing with my face, I break sunglasses a lot, and the like. Plus she didn’t want to be married to a 4-eyed geek.
Now I’m 5 days into the experiment and have mixed feelings.
Pros: I love being able to see - it’s like HD in real life! Who knew there were details to all of the trees around us and that you can read exit signs across a store? I've been able to check vitals and physiological components from a distance and can actually read the suture boxes in the cabinets.
Cons: I hate the feeling of something foreign in my eyes. Hate. It. I’ve got eyelashes in my eyes all of the time and the environment of the OR only increases this discomfort - or that's how it feels. Plus I’ve lost them in my eye a few times and have seriously irritated the crap out of my right eye trying to locate the lost lens.
Thus far I’m thinking I’m going with the glasses. I know people have to get used to these, but damn if this doesn’t suck. Sometimes they feel fine, then I blink and “BAM” it’s back to the nuisance of hair again. My optometrist changed them yesterday to “lenses for those with sensitive eyes” (i.e. babies) but I’ve not seen any improvement.
Maybe glasses while at work, then contacts when at home? That ‘s an option, I guess.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Past
Oh, wait...that's passed! I guess my mediocre education and inability to think beyond what I've read just showed its ugly, narrow-minded, and racist head.
Or so I was told something like that by a stain on American culture patient today and her family. BTW: it's called a shower... take one!
Anyway, just wanted to say that I received my USMLE Step 2 CK results today. I passed. 98th percentile! Remember when I was freaking out last month? God what a waste of energy that was.
Or so I was told something like that by a stain on American culture patient today and her family. BTW: it's called a shower... take one!
Anyway, just wanted to say that I received my USMLE Step 2 CK results today. I passed. 98th percentile! Remember when I was freaking out last month? God what a waste of energy that was.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Obscured
I feel I need to clarify a few things from my last couple posts. I appreciate everyone’s comments, as always, but I think I should make a few things more transparent than maybe they are:
First, while I understand that it seemed like I was freaking out about Wife going out last week (which I was at the time) my marriage with my wife is solid. We have a good understanding of what’s going on, the stress we each have, how to help each other out, and the commitment we both have for the other and our children; but for whatever reason I had a knee-jerk reaction that truly was not needed. She told me the next morning that “[I] should never send [my] wife out looking like that without smelling of sex.” Alrighty then. No need to worry.
Medical school is hard and the training process is tedious and long - for all involved. Perhaps my feelings of inadequacy came from the fact that Wife is older than I am, has been with me from the infancy of my desire to become a doctor, and will be with me throughout residency – a total of 12+ years. Considering that we’ve had some hard times, live in a relatively poor state (relative to my mind that is), and still have years of further fun ahead of us freaked me out for a while. But it’s over, we’ve talked about those fears, she’s allayed them as only my wife can do, and now we look at the month ahead where I will be out of state for a month, she'll be a single mother, and we hope that we won’t forget each other. For now I come home early, try to not study as much as possible, and tell her daily that I love her.
Secondly, comments regarding the name of this blog and my surname have been something that I’ve dealt with occasionally, but it seems like I need to let you know something about this blog - something that, while I thought was clear, apparently has been obscured by my attitude. A recent comment went something like this:
To this end, no, I do not take myself seriously. Most of what I write is farce, hyperbole, and attempts at poking fun at myself. Did I think myself superior to the underclassman mentioned above? No, of course not. What was the basis of that post was the fact that he assumed superiorit,y because he felt I was a year behind him. It was absurd and that mentality is insulting and abhorrent.
My blog's title, Creating the Godcomplex, is simply a facetious name about the supposed “godcomplex” that occurs within physicians. Since I’m in training to become a doctor, what better name than this? Truly I don’t believe I’m a “God-like medical student” as evidenced by my posts; but since I’m “creating my godcomplex” I felt calling myself Medstudentgod seemed the natural path to take. Yet, people seem to believe I honestly consider myself a god. Untrue, untrue.
What may be coming across, that has caused people to feel I'm serious, is my true nature of being an A type personality who holds an absolute disdain for stupidity and laziness. That is not my godcomplex, but rather my nature of expecting people to behave like professionals when in medical school. When I worked out in the real world I was not an easy going boss to work for. I expected perfection - or as near as possible. That's just how I am...but it's not a Godcomplex.
And now, time for my dean’s meeting (hopefully today).
First, while I understand that it seemed like I was freaking out about Wife going out last week (which I was at the time) my marriage with my wife is solid. We have a good understanding of what’s going on, the stress we each have, how to help each other out, and the commitment we both have for the other and our children; but for whatever reason I had a knee-jerk reaction that truly was not needed. She told me the next morning that “[I] should never send [my] wife out looking like that without smelling of sex.” Alrighty then. No need to worry.
Medical school is hard and the training process is tedious and long - for all involved. Perhaps my feelings of inadequacy came from the fact that Wife is older than I am, has been with me from the infancy of my desire to become a doctor, and will be with me throughout residency – a total of 12+ years. Considering that we’ve had some hard times, live in a relatively poor state (relative to my mind that is), and still have years of further fun ahead of us freaked me out for a while. But it’s over, we’ve talked about those fears, she’s allayed them as only my wife can do, and now we look at the month ahead where I will be out of state for a month, she'll be a single mother, and we hope that we won’t forget each other. For now I come home early, try to not study as much as possible, and tell her daily that I love her.
Secondly, comments regarding the name of this blog and my surname have been something that I’ve dealt with occasionally, but it seems like I need to let you know something about this blog - something that, while I thought was clear, apparently has been obscured by my attitude. A recent comment went something like this:
I think it would help to take a step back and look at your attitude, your post about wanting to kill that m2 for not giving you respect was hilarious, i mean come on-do you really take yourself that seriously? If you have that type of superiority complex I'm sure it comes through to your wife, other classmates, and yes future residency programs. Take a step back and realize that you are not the most important thing in the world just because you are going to be a doctor. A little bit of humility goes a long way both professionally and in your personal life.
To this end, no, I do not take myself seriously. Most of what I write is farce, hyperbole, and attempts at poking fun at myself. Did I think myself superior to the underclassman mentioned above? No, of course not. What was the basis of that post was the fact that he assumed superiorit,y because he felt I was a year behind him. It was absurd and that mentality is insulting and abhorrent.
My blog's title, Creating the Godcomplex, is simply a facetious name about the supposed “godcomplex” that occurs within physicians. Since I’m in training to become a doctor, what better name than this? Truly I don’t believe I’m a “God-like medical student” as evidenced by my posts; but since I’m “creating my godcomplex” I felt calling myself Medstudentgod seemed the natural path to take. Yet, people seem to believe I honestly consider myself a god. Untrue, untrue.
What may be coming across, that has caused people to feel I'm serious, is my true nature of being an A type personality who holds an absolute disdain for stupidity and laziness. That is not my godcomplex, but rather my nature of expecting people to behave like professionals when in medical school. When I worked out in the real world I was not an easy going boss to work for. I expected perfection - or as near as possible. That's just how I am...but it's not a Godcomplex.
And now, time for my dean’s meeting (hopefully today).
Friday, August 17, 2007
Cause You Had a Bad Day
10 minutes ago Wife left for a night out with some of her coworkers. They’re going to go to some Country/ Western bar where someone they know is playing in a band. When she left she looked hot – very hot – and it worried me.
This is sort of out of the norm for her to actually go out without me and/ or the kids and it’s made me nervous. Not so much because I think she’s going out with someone right now, or will find some hick to hook up with for a quickie, but rather the fear that residency holds.
Specifically I’m referring to the lost time, the long hours apart, the stress, and disarray that residency will inflict upon our marriage. I married up, and she down. She’s made some comments recently about me not caring about my image, how old my clothes are (some being 10 years old or more), and how I don’t seem to try anymore. Whatever that means. However, all joking aside, it does sound like she’s getting a bit annoyed with me not improving myself.
A thought has crossed my mind a few times that I wouldn’t want my children to pursue medicine because of the lost time involved. The amount of sacrifice and damage that apparently occurs during this process seems, at least at this small point in my life, to not be worth it. I hope that with time my belief will change. I hope that my wife will be with me throughout the training and career.
I guess I’m just sensing the coming storm of change and have trepidations about the unknown. The future is very bright and dark at the same time in my mind and I’m having difficulties keeping out reflections on my life to this point – ah the disappointment I’ve been - and making correlations with my marriage.
I guess what I’m trying to say, after all of this – the long hours of studying, the clinics, the constant give and take (more take) with the Wife about the kids and schedules - I feel like I’ve failed her. I feel I’ve let her down, not been the man she needed, and she’ll find someone to take my place once she tires of the usual axioms regarding being patient, staying the course, and every dark cloud has a silver lining. Because there’s only so much a person can take before they accept their losses and move on to newer and better things.
It’s been a rough day.
This is sort of out of the norm for her to actually go out without me and/ or the kids and it’s made me nervous. Not so much because I think she’s going out with someone right now, or will find some hick to hook up with for a quickie, but rather the fear that residency holds.
Specifically I’m referring to the lost time, the long hours apart, the stress, and disarray that residency will inflict upon our marriage. I married up, and she down. She’s made some comments recently about me not caring about my image, how old my clothes are (some being 10 years old or more), and how I don’t seem to try anymore. Whatever that means. However, all joking aside, it does sound like she’s getting a bit annoyed with me not improving myself.
A thought has crossed my mind a few times that I wouldn’t want my children to pursue medicine because of the lost time involved. The amount of sacrifice and damage that apparently occurs during this process seems, at least at this small point in my life, to not be worth it. I hope that with time my belief will change. I hope that my wife will be with me throughout the training and career.
I guess I’m just sensing the coming storm of change and have trepidations about the unknown. The future is very bright and dark at the same time in my mind and I’m having difficulties keeping out reflections on my life to this point – ah the disappointment I’ve been - and making correlations with my marriage.
I guess what I’m trying to say, after all of this – the long hours of studying, the clinics, the constant give and take (more take) with the Wife about the kids and schedules - I feel like I’ve failed her. I feel I’ve let her down, not been the man she needed, and she’ll find someone to take my place once she tires of the usual axioms regarding being patient, staying the course, and every dark cloud has a silver lining. Because there’s only so much a person can take before they accept their losses and move on to newer and better things.
It’s been a rough day.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
What's That, Fucker?
Alright...calm down. It's going to be OK.
Really it is.
He's just a fuckwad.
To hell with that shit! He's a damn 2nd year!
What nerve!
I shoulda kicked his bitch ass all over the place is what I shoulda done.
Tardbucket.
Gahhhh!
Well, I just had an interesting run in with a 2nd year while studying. Apparently I was in "his chair" and was asked to leave. The room.
Yes, he actually asked me to leave "[his] room because this is where [he's] getting ready for a major test (didn't they just start) with friends and they always study here. If I wasn't a first year I'd have know that."
Serious. That's what he said.
Of course I was gracious and kind, the absolute picture of calm. Ha!
After 5 minutes of me tearing him a new one, telling him where he can put his study books, and what year I was (after all, being a senior makes me uber cool now, doncha think?) he got the message and left.
I'm not the only one to have a run in like this with the 2nd years either. A classmate apparently had a very similar run in when asking people to be quiet while studying. They told her about the "quiet rooms" for studying and continued to talk - since they thought she was a lowly 1st year.
Fucking underclassmen. Learn to respect your goddamn elders! I know where and how to stick shit in people now that will kill them quickly...Don't. Fuck. With. Me!
Really it is.
He's just a fuckwad.
To hell with that shit! He's a damn 2nd year!
What nerve!
I shoulda kicked his bitch ass all over the place is what I shoulda done.
Tardbucket.
Gahhhh!
Well, I just had an interesting run in with a 2nd year while studying. Apparently I was in "his chair" and was asked to leave. The room.
Yes, he actually asked me to leave "[his] room because this is where [he's] getting ready for a major test (didn't they just start) with friends and they always study here. If I wasn't a first year I'd have know that."
Serious. That's what he said.
Of course I was gracious and kind, the absolute picture of calm. Ha!
After 5 minutes of me tearing him a new one, telling him where he can put his study books, and what year I was (after all, being a senior makes me uber cool now, doncha think?) he got the message and left.
I'm not the only one to have a run in like this with the 2nd years either. A classmate apparently had a very similar run in when asking people to be quiet while studying. They told her about the "quiet rooms" for studying and continued to talk - since they thought she was a lowly 1st year.
Fucking underclassmen. Learn to respect your goddamn elders! I know where and how to stick shit in people now that will kill them quickly...Don't. Fuck. With. Me!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Oh Really?
Last year the school was late in getting out some of the Dean's letters for residency and people had to have personal favors from attendings to keep interviews. We were told, by everyone, that this would not happen again. We were promised up and down, backwards and forwards that the school had their stuff right this time around. I didn't believe it.
Currently I'm sitting with less than 2 weeks before I fly out of town for a month and I've yet to meet with the dean about my ERAS. She requires my transcript, letters of recommendation (or at least knows who has turned theirs in), and a photo of me to scan into the ERAS system. Of course, despite trying to get an appointment several times a week, I have no date to meet with her.
I'm getting the feeling that I'm going to get screwed for the month or so while I'm away. I have no idea why the school can't keep their shit together, but right now I'm fucking pissed - and worried. Programs start downloading and offering interviews next month. My application is almost complete - the only thing stopping me from submitting is my dean's office.
To add to this distress is the fact that I have a large pimple on my face that decided to rear its ugly head right at the time I was trying to get a nice, professional pic taken. I guess I can use some makeup if I need to, but this is definitely not something I want program directors to remember about me:
Hey, what about that guy with the large ass pimple? Wasn't that hilarious?! But of course we could never have someone like him as a resident. What with the hygiene issues and all...pitty.
Currently I'm sitting with less than 2 weeks before I fly out of town for a month and I've yet to meet with the dean about my ERAS. She requires my transcript, letters of recommendation (or at least knows who has turned theirs in), and a photo of me to scan into the ERAS system. Of course, despite trying to get an appointment several times a week, I have no date to meet with her.
I'm getting the feeling that I'm going to get screwed for the month or so while I'm away. I have no idea why the school can't keep their shit together, but right now I'm fucking pissed - and worried. Programs start downloading and offering interviews next month. My application is almost complete - the only thing stopping me from submitting is my dean's office.
To add to this distress is the fact that I have a large pimple on my face that decided to rear its ugly head right at the time I was trying to get a nice, professional pic taken. I guess I can use some makeup if I need to, but this is definitely not something I want program directors to remember about me:
Hey, what about that guy with the large ass pimple? Wasn't that hilarious?! But of course we could never have someone like him as a resident. What with the hygiene issues and all...pitty.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Not By the Hair on My Chinny, Chin - Chin
As some of you were apparently disturbed by the fact that I have a “soul patch” or “flavor savor” from the last post, I must admit that I do indeed have a goatee. In fact, I’ve had it since I was 18 years of age, have sported various lengths, styles, and colors (red and green at one time), and consider it part of my image, my essence.
Unfortunately I will be shaving it off for the next several months in order to appear more “professional” during away rotations and interviews. I remember doing the exact same thing 4 years ago when interviewing for medical school and just felt naked without my chin fuzz. I’ve gotten accustomed to reaching up and feeling coarse hair on my chin and when I touched it during interviews I always wondered: “Where the hell is my goatee?!” Of course I’d remember before jumping up to see if it was still there, but man, did it feel weird. Plus I think it makes my face look fatter without it. Don't know why, but it does.
Actually I've noticed a lot of similarities recently between applying for residency and applying for medical school. I’m still lost, have no clue what to do or what’s best to write, and hate the whole process. I just hope that the outcome is a little better than what it was last time – got in, but not at my first choice.
Unfortunately I will be shaving it off for the next several months in order to appear more “professional” during away rotations and interviews. I remember doing the exact same thing 4 years ago when interviewing for medical school and just felt naked without my chin fuzz. I’ve gotten accustomed to reaching up and feeling coarse hair on my chin and when I touched it during interviews I always wondered: “Where the hell is my goatee?!” Of course I’d remember before jumping up to see if it was still there, but man, did it feel weird. Plus I think it makes my face look fatter without it. Don't know why, but it does.
Actually I've noticed a lot of similarities recently between applying for residency and applying for medical school. I’m still lost, have no clue what to do or what’s best to write, and hate the whole process. I just hope that the outcome is a little better than what it was last time – got in, but not at my first choice.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Simpson'd MSG
Alrighty, saw this fun little item and figured I'd try it out. Here is what I would look like as a Simpson's character:
Meet MSG!
Oh yeah...here's the website: http://simpsonizeme.com/#
Meet MSG!
Oh yeah...here's the website: http://simpsonizeme.com/#
Friday, August 10, 2007
Not So Cool Anymore
So I’m starting to understand why surgeons have such a bad name amongst hospital types. When I was rotating on Surgery I thought it very cool to be the macho, gun-slinging, cowboy who marches into “their” OR, orders what needs to be done for the patient, and takes control. After all, this is their patient and clearly no one has learned as much as the surgeon. Everyone else is inferior.
However…
Being on Anesthesia and hearing some of the condescension when being asked (or commanded) to do something irritates me a bit. Like, for instance, a puggy 3rd year gen surg resident who looks like she came straight from that Gardasil commercial (you know, that feminist, women’s power bitch at the end telling us about how you could be One Less? Evil men, spreading their icky, icky germs!).
She waltzes in, talking down to everyone in the room, because, gasp, we don’t react instantly to her commands, and wonders why the room isn’t prepared a completely different way than asked for by the attending’s card. An hour later (while the patient is under general anesthesia, mind you - bad, bad, bad), the surgery can finally begin. Had she been in the holding room prior to the procedure we might have dealt with this before hand. But what dumb fucks we were for not being all omnipotent! I cower at your Dansko's and beg for forgiveness.
I imagine that if I were on this rotation I’d think she was all cool and shit. Because I’d be internalizing like the mad-crazy medical student gunner I am. But I’m not. I’m on the other side of the curtain, dealing with blood pressures, respirations, keeping the patient from moving, trying to understand why the hospital scrubs have writing all over them (who do I call for a good time?), and other important, life maintaining items that anesthesia people do. Because people like to breath. It’s a good thing. Putting the patient in Trendelenberg at the instant a “request” is barked out does not imply that I need to be yelled at. I heard you the first time; pipe down their girly.
Since some of the surgeons have worked with me they have been quite nice about letting me wallow in my own brand of OAFAT (wah-fat: obligatory anesthesia fuck around time) before they get pushy. It’s been, for the most part, good. But girl-power chick needs to back the fuck off a bit and take a chill pill. You’re not god – yet. Though I imagine you think you are.
However…
Being on Anesthesia and hearing some of the condescension when being asked (or commanded) to do something irritates me a bit. Like, for instance, a puggy 3rd year gen surg resident who looks like she came straight from that Gardasil commercial (you know, that feminist, women’s power bitch at the end telling us about how you could be One Less? Evil men, spreading their icky, icky germs!).
She waltzes in, talking down to everyone in the room, because, gasp, we don’t react instantly to her commands, and wonders why the room isn’t prepared a completely different way than asked for by the attending’s card. An hour later (while the patient is under general anesthesia, mind you - bad, bad, bad), the surgery can finally begin. Had she been in the holding room prior to the procedure we might have dealt with this before hand. But what dumb fucks we were for not being all omnipotent! I cower at your Dansko's and beg for forgiveness.
I imagine that if I were on this rotation I’d think she was all cool and shit. Because I’d be internalizing like the mad-crazy medical student gunner I am. But I’m not. I’m on the other side of the curtain, dealing with blood pressures, respirations, keeping the patient from moving, trying to understand why the hospital scrubs have writing all over them (who do I call for a good time?), and other important, life maintaining items that anesthesia people do. Because people like to breath. It’s a good thing. Putting the patient in Trendelenberg at the instant a “request” is barked out does not imply that I need to be yelled at. I heard you the first time; pipe down their girly.
Since some of the surgeons have worked with me they have been quite nice about letting me wallow in my own brand of OAFAT (wah-fat: obligatory anesthesia fuck around time) before they get pushy. It’s been, for the most part, good. But girl-power chick needs to back the fuck off a bit and take a chill pill. You’re not god – yet. Though I imagine you think you are.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Couldn't Say It Better
I thought that I'd show you what goes through my mind daily - despite the fact I'm not actually setting up the room or am alone in the room when anything important occurs.
This is from Michelle at The Underwear Drawer - a hiliarious blog about an Anesthesia resident in NYC. If you've never read her stuff, you gotta lot of work to do.
This is from Michelle at The Underwear Drawer - a hiliarious blog about an Anesthesia resident in NYC. If you've never read her stuff, you gotta lot of work to do.
Hi. Why Yes. I am MSG
I’ve come to realize that some of my classmates know about this blog. I was actually quite surprised to receive an e-mail from a good bud about one of our arch enemies whom I wrote about recently. While I appreciated his comment, I was, to put it bluntly, stunned that he was aware I blog.
Last year one of my peers taking the Family Med rotation with me discovered this blog due to my post regarding our match ceremony. She proceeded to hound me about my authorship, eventually getting me to confess. I imagine that word has spread from both this event as well as the fact that sometimes I put too much indentifying information in posts which Google hits on.
Whatever the reason, I’m glad that people are reading and, hopefully, getting a kick out of my take on our educational process. I’ve not received any death threats or derogatory e-mails – yet – and hope I won’t find myself in hot water for something taken out of context (but seriously, what context? It’s all pretty black and white).
Last year one of my peers taking the Family Med rotation with me discovered this blog due to my post regarding our match ceremony. She proceeded to hound me about my authorship, eventually getting me to confess. I imagine that word has spread from both this event as well as the fact that sometimes I put too much indentifying information in posts which Google hits on.
Whatever the reason, I’m glad that people are reading and, hopefully, getting a kick out of my take on our educational process. I’ve not received any death threats or derogatory e-mails – yet – and hope I won’t find myself in hot water for something taken out of context (but seriously, what context? It’s all pretty black and white).
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Bitter Doc Face
Sometimes people seem to wonder what’s wrong with healthcare professionals. Why do we complain and gripe so much? Aren’t we still considered one of the most respected, well-paid professions out there? What could possibly be so wrong with medical school and residency that causes people to become such inhumane asses who focus a lot of their attention away from their patients?
Well I think, at least what I've seen thus far, it that it's really a few things: 1) huge debt to income load; 2) increasingly diminishing returns with an increasing CYA workload; 3) administrators and insurers who know nothing about medicine, but dictate policy and procedure regardless.
Personally a lot of my own bitterness these last couple years has come from the unforeseen future for something I've fought hard and sacrificed for. Medicine is on shaky grounds right now and I’m not sure where it will be in 10-20 years. What I envision, when looking at the current state, is a system where no one thinks anymore and all decisions are run through an administrative system - but the culpability remains squarely on the heavily burdened shoulders of the "white coat" - and malpractice reform is defunct.
The concerns of this generation of doctors are completely different from any other – which may be part of the rift between the old and new. It's very hard to dedicate oneself entirely to the practice of medicine when so much of it seems to be a time and money sink. The idea that one might not be able to afford to practice after 12 years or more of school and training is depressing. The thought of being “insecure” within your profession – beyond financially – causes a lot of grief and anxiety in residents and medical students. Simply looking at the state of primary care medicine is evidence enough that monetary concerns (i.e. being able to pay off your loans and still be able to feed your family) is a huge consideration when considering specialities.
The fact that patients continue to want perfection without paying for services; who, in the same instant, will run to the nearest phone book, ambulance-chaser for any complications (regardless if explained to the Nth degree or not), who, by virtue of their bottom-feeding existence, will then stop at nothing to destroy a career obtained through blood, sweat, and tears - all in the name of “justice” - leaves many docs and students wondering why in the hell they’re still around.
It’s a stark contrast to the dreams held during the early years of my medical training – polar opposites almost. If we, as a nation, want our health care to survive and not become a government run entity with bitter, angry providers who want nothing else but to leave when 5pm rolls around, we’d better realize that there’s only so much hemorrhaging that can occur before someone dies.
Well I think, at least what I've seen thus far, it that it's really a few things: 1) huge debt to income load; 2) increasingly diminishing returns with an increasing CYA workload; 3) administrators and insurers who know nothing about medicine, but dictate policy and procedure regardless.
Personally a lot of my own bitterness these last couple years has come from the unforeseen future for something I've fought hard and sacrificed for. Medicine is on shaky grounds right now and I’m not sure where it will be in 10-20 years. What I envision, when looking at the current state, is a system where no one thinks anymore and all decisions are run through an administrative system - but the culpability remains squarely on the heavily burdened shoulders of the "white coat" - and malpractice reform is defunct.
The concerns of this generation of doctors are completely different from any other – which may be part of the rift between the old and new. It's very hard to dedicate oneself entirely to the practice of medicine when so much of it seems to be a time and money sink. The idea that one might not be able to afford to practice after 12 years or more of school and training is depressing. The thought of being “insecure” within your profession – beyond financially – causes a lot of grief and anxiety in residents and medical students. Simply looking at the state of primary care medicine is evidence enough that monetary concerns (i.e. being able to pay off your loans and still be able to feed your family) is a huge consideration when considering specialities.
The fact that patients continue to want perfection without paying for services; who, in the same instant, will run to the nearest phone book, ambulance-chaser for any complications (regardless if explained to the Nth degree or not), who, by virtue of their bottom-feeding existence, will then stop at nothing to destroy a career obtained through blood, sweat, and tears - all in the name of “justice” - leaves many docs and students wondering why in the hell they’re still around.
It’s a stark contrast to the dreams held during the early years of my medical training – polar opposites almost. If we, as a nation, want our health care to survive and not become a government run entity with bitter, angry providers who want nothing else but to leave when 5pm rolls around, we’d better realize that there’s only so much hemorrhaging that can occur before someone dies.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
What Makes It Awesome
What drives you into a particular field of medicine? Is it the love of a field, external influences such as family or friends, power and prestige within the medical community itself…money? Or, perhaps, it’s the desire to see instant results, receive gratification through well anticipated outcomes with a good resolution, the ability to think on your feet regarding the physiological, pharmacological, and pathological issues at present?
For me it is the latter and I know that Anesthesiology is certainly the fit for me. I have LOVED my time at my hospital during these short 7 days. I find myself seeking out the larger, more complex cases in order to see what steps are needed to navigate a successful anesthetic case. A patient waking up on time, with well-controlled pain, who offers their thanks (even if they won’t remember it when they leave) has been everything that I wanted out of medicine. Anesthesia is by far more complex than I’d ever originally thought and requires constant vigilance and quick thinking (even if you don't appreciate it on the other side of the curtain).
My brain is being challenged daily. I’m mentally exhausted at the end of some days because of the thought process involved when I run a case with guidance. Pimp sessions are more likely than not to leave me completely unable to answer - something I'm not fond of, but it leads to learning and motivation to understand the concepts behind the subject. This has not always been the case with many rotations I underwent last year.
I’ve also found the easy going and fun nature of most of the Anesthesiologists and CRNA’s I work with very influential towards this learning and it has prodded me to be ready for the next day. It has been extremely rewarding to take this elective and I can’t wait for the level 1 trauma centers where I will spend 2 months as away rotations.
Now, despite all of these things, I must say that it’s not been all roses. I’ve had some issues here and there, some intubations that didn’t go as well as I’d have liked and such. Bag-masking someone is my personal hell. I can’t do it very well and I always look like a fool when trying – since I invariably fail miserably when an attending is in the room.
Today I was forced to mask an obese patient for 20 minutes, on a paralyzing agent, in order to learn how to do it effectively. I was keeping this person alive purely by my ability to keep a good seal and keep oxygen flowing into their lungs. By the end my forearm muscles were screaming, but I was getting better. My favorite part? The attending asking what I wanted to do when I was hurting:
Attending: “So, what would you do?”
MSG: “I could either change hands and cross over myself…”
Attending: just looking at me.
MSG: “Or…I could suck it up and keep going.”
Attending: “Hey, we’re in Anesthesia. There’s no egos here.”
MSG: “Ummm, ask...for...some...help?”
Attending: “Right.”
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Cool.
For me it is the latter and I know that Anesthesiology is certainly the fit for me. I have LOVED my time at my hospital during these short 7 days. I find myself seeking out the larger, more complex cases in order to see what steps are needed to navigate a successful anesthetic case. A patient waking up on time, with well-controlled pain, who offers their thanks (even if they won’t remember it when they leave) has been everything that I wanted out of medicine. Anesthesia is by far more complex than I’d ever originally thought and requires constant vigilance and quick thinking (even if you don't appreciate it on the other side of the curtain).
My brain is being challenged daily. I’m mentally exhausted at the end of some days because of the thought process involved when I run a case with guidance. Pimp sessions are more likely than not to leave me completely unable to answer - something I'm not fond of, but it leads to learning and motivation to understand the concepts behind the subject. This has not always been the case with many rotations I underwent last year.
I’ve also found the easy going and fun nature of most of the Anesthesiologists and CRNA’s I work with very influential towards this learning and it has prodded me to be ready for the next day. It has been extremely rewarding to take this elective and I can’t wait for the level 1 trauma centers where I will spend 2 months as away rotations.
Now, despite all of these things, I must say that it’s not been all roses. I’ve had some issues here and there, some intubations that didn’t go as well as I’d have liked and such. Bag-masking someone is my personal hell. I can’t do it very well and I always look like a fool when trying – since I invariably fail miserably when an attending is in the room.
Today I was forced to mask an obese patient for 20 minutes, on a paralyzing agent, in order to learn how to do it effectively. I was keeping this person alive purely by my ability to keep a good seal and keep oxygen flowing into their lungs. By the end my forearm muscles were screaming, but I was getting better. My favorite part? The attending asking what I wanted to do when I was hurting:
Attending: “So, what would you do?”
MSG: “I could either change hands and cross over myself…”
Attending: just looking at me.
MSG: “Or…I could suck it up and keep going.”
Attending: “Hey, we’re in Anesthesia. There’s no egos here.”
MSG: “Ummm, ask...for...some...help?”
Attending: “Right.”
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Cool.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
WMSE
Sorry again for the delay in posts and the rather mundane nature of the last several. Clearly my life has been put on hiatus while other, shall we say “more pressing”, issues were addressed (the sagging Sitemeter numbers I've seen clearly indicate that you're getting bored). I apologize, but life as a Medstudentgod is not always as fun and exciting as you might imagine. Sometimes administrative bullshit takes precedence. So, on with the show!
****
What do you say to someone that makes your skin crawl and, despite all attempts to convey your complete abhorrence of their "being", continuously tries to talk to you? Someone that, for all other purposes, makes you want to vomit upon them in a horrible, Exorcist-like way? Yes, the Worst Medical Student Ever (WMSE - yes all of these are about him) is on the surgery floor right now and I’ve been able to see him in action during one case (since the gen surg team is apparently taking a vacation this week and overall surgical cases have been sparse).
This student encompasses everything that I hate about politics. An absolutely absurd specimen of medical training who is, unfortunately, completely capable of appearing highly intelligent and competent; but only for very short periods of time – like the time it takes to drain a rectal abscess. After 45 minutes of bullshiting his way around his utter clueless personality his asshole can't be corked shut anymore and shit spews forth from his dumbass as though he'd been hit with a bottle of Mag citrate.
Lord knows how much I hate this guy. What irks me the most is the fact that he wants to be an Anesthesiologist. He aspires to the same specialty that I hope to match into one day and it makes my blood boil to think about him as a "colleague". Hopefully I won’t find out if he matches come March since he’s already 7 months or more behind in his 3rd year rotations (using some lie about doing an Anesthesia away rotation when he was called out for failing Step 1 his first go around). I think knowing that someone like that could actually get a job in a field that requires a great deal of quick thinking might make me physically nauseous.
Honestly I feel that if he were to be in a medical school whose sole goal wasn’t to crank out as many minority MD’s as possible he’d have been ousted long ago. But, here he is, almost 3 years down, no prospects of stopping, and with the undeniable truth that he's cheated, lied, and bought his way to this point. Certainly the fact that Daddy has significant influence (both monetarily and politically) hasn’t influenced his status here. But that’s OK. I hate him, I know what kind of a tool he is, and that’s good enough for me.
****
What do you say to someone that makes your skin crawl and, despite all attempts to convey your complete abhorrence of their "being", continuously tries to talk to you? Someone that, for all other purposes, makes you want to vomit upon them in a horrible, Exorcist-like way? Yes, the Worst Medical Student Ever (WMSE - yes all of these are about him) is on the surgery floor right now and I’ve been able to see him in action during one case (since the gen surg team is apparently taking a vacation this week and overall surgical cases have been sparse).
This student encompasses everything that I hate about politics. An absolutely absurd specimen of medical training who is, unfortunately, completely capable of appearing highly intelligent and competent; but only for very short periods of time – like the time it takes to drain a rectal abscess. After 45 minutes of bullshiting his way around his utter clueless personality his asshole can't be corked shut anymore and shit spews forth from his dumbass as though he'd been hit with a bottle of Mag citrate.
Lord knows how much I hate this guy. What irks me the most is the fact that he wants to be an Anesthesiologist. He aspires to the same specialty that I hope to match into one day and it makes my blood boil to think about him as a "colleague". Hopefully I won’t find out if he matches come March since he’s already 7 months or more behind in his 3rd year rotations (using some lie about doing an Anesthesia away rotation when he was called out for failing Step 1 his first go around). I think knowing that someone like that could actually get a job in a field that requires a great deal of quick thinking might make me physically nauseous.
Honestly I feel that if he were to be in a medical school whose sole goal wasn’t to crank out as many minority MD’s as possible he’d have been ousted long ago. But, here he is, almost 3 years down, no prospects of stopping, and with the undeniable truth that he's cheated, lied, and bought his way to this point. Certainly the fact that Daddy has significant influence (both monetarily and politically) hasn’t influenced his status here. But that’s OK. I hate him, I know what kind of a tool he is, and that’s good enough for me.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Dental Hygiene
I have a friend who, while working in anatomy lab one day, told me what she thought about the dental students fucking us over on anatomy practicals. Her dad, apparently upon hearing about her brief consideration towards dentistry, told her that:
“If you want to be a doctor, be a doctor. If you want to be a garbage man, be a dentist.”
Clearly he didn't think highly of them and she never considered the career again.
Personally I’ve had some mixed feelings for the dental school and their students. I hate dentists - childhood fear really, but I’ve been able to overlook the mixed feelings I have towards people that desire to work in someone else’s mouth their whole life and have gotten along with some of them just fine. However, seeing a display within the OR while managing one of their cases (since most of the surgeons aren’t cutting this week and the oral “surgeons” are doing a lot of cases) has made me question their training.
If you’re a resident, especially a surgical resident, shouldn’t you know the general culture of the operating room? In particular, the fact that sterility is not something to eschew? I would think that would have been discussed on the very first day while getting your ID's and signing papers. Yet, I’ve seen several of the dental school’s oral surgery residents making huge mistakes in regards to being sterile with a complete lack of follow-up by their seniors.
My attention was caught while watching a girl scrubbing into a case, face exposed because her mask wasn't on, who suddenly appeared with the mask miraculously placed on her face. I wondered how she performed this feat, as no one was in the wash area to assist her prior to her entrance. I soon found out as she, in full sterile surgical gear, kept pushing her gloved hand onto her mask and adjusting it. Over and over again. I looked around, amazed that no one was saying anything. In surgery you would have been tossed out for an infraction like that! Where was the beat-down here that I'd seen or received on so many occasions during surgery?
Another resident would enter and leave the OR through the back door. A huge no-no since this door has signs plastered on it with large stop signs saying “Do not enter or leave through this door. Use the interior door, please.” People have been kicked out of surgeries for doing something this dumb. But, once again, nothing was said.
Another resident, moving around the patient while getting x-rays, kept brushing against the blue sterile cloth of the equipment table. He was warned once by the scrub-nurse, but he kept doing it. I have been made completely paranoid about this area and avoid it like the plague for fear of sudden death. He, however, didn’t seem to care. Probably because the case wasn’t stopped, new equipment wasn't procured, cases weren't moved back for hours, and the resident wasn't made to feel no larger than 2 inches for being a completely worthless idiot.
And still another resident (a lot of them in the room fucking stuff up, no?) didn’t seem to understand that wearing his mask was not an option. I counted 7 times where this guy left the room and entered without his mask pulled up. At least the attending got on him about that!
I seriously have to wonder about the training these "surgeons" are receiving when something that seems so inherent to any surgical field has been, apparently, completely ignored. Perhaps they are happier than most residents in medicine since they aren't belittled for infractions. But isn't that what makes you learn the correct way to perform procedures? Isn't that, at least to some degree, part of the reason surgeons are as compulsive about being clean as they are? I wonder what their infection rate is and who takes over once they give their patients endocarditis. Oh yeah, the real doctors.
“If you want to be a doctor, be a doctor. If you want to be a garbage man, be a dentist.”
Clearly he didn't think highly of them and she never considered the career again.
Personally I’ve had some mixed feelings for the dental school and their students. I hate dentists - childhood fear really, but I’ve been able to overlook the mixed feelings I have towards people that desire to work in someone else’s mouth their whole life and have gotten along with some of them just fine. However, seeing a display within the OR while managing one of their cases (since most of the surgeons aren’t cutting this week and the oral “surgeons” are doing a lot of cases) has made me question their training.
If you’re a resident, especially a surgical resident, shouldn’t you know the general culture of the operating room? In particular, the fact that sterility is not something to eschew? I would think that would have been discussed on the very first day while getting your ID's and signing papers. Yet, I’ve seen several of the dental school’s oral surgery residents making huge mistakes in regards to being sterile with a complete lack of follow-up by their seniors.
My attention was caught while watching a girl scrubbing into a case, face exposed because her mask wasn't on, who suddenly appeared with the mask miraculously placed on her face. I wondered how she performed this feat, as no one was in the wash area to assist her prior to her entrance. I soon found out as she, in full sterile surgical gear, kept pushing her gloved hand onto her mask and adjusting it. Over and over again. I looked around, amazed that no one was saying anything. In surgery you would have been tossed out for an infraction like that! Where was the beat-down here that I'd seen or received on so many occasions during surgery?
Another resident would enter and leave the OR through the back door. A huge no-no since this door has signs plastered on it with large stop signs saying “Do not enter or leave through this door. Use the interior door, please.” People have been kicked out of surgeries for doing something this dumb. But, once again, nothing was said.
Another resident, moving around the patient while getting x-rays, kept brushing against the blue sterile cloth of the equipment table. He was warned once by the scrub-nurse, but he kept doing it. I have been made completely paranoid about this area and avoid it like the plague for fear of sudden death. He, however, didn’t seem to care. Probably because the case wasn’t stopped, new equipment wasn't procured, cases weren't moved back for hours, and the resident wasn't made to feel no larger than 2 inches for being a completely worthless idiot.
And still another resident (a lot of them in the room fucking stuff up, no?) didn’t seem to understand that wearing his mask was not an option. I counted 7 times where this guy left the room and entered without his mask pulled up. At least the attending got on him about that!
I seriously have to wonder about the training these "surgeons" are receiving when something that seems so inherent to any surgical field has been, apparently, completely ignored. Perhaps they are happier than most residents in medicine since they aren't belittled for infractions. But isn't that what makes you learn the correct way to perform procedures? Isn't that, at least to some degree, part of the reason surgeons are as compulsive about being clean as they are? I wonder what their infection rate is and who takes over once they give their patients endocarditis. Oh yeah, the real doctors.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Like Sand in a Bottle, So Go the Days of Our Lives
So time has passed and I have really nothing witty, informative, or interesting to write about. Sometimes days go by, people are intubated and managed by the best medical student to EVER do Anesthesia at my hospital (or so I’ve been told), and the world continues.
The news plays out, chefs are fired from a, regrettably, quite addictive TV reality show, and the tragedies keeps us wondering why the world is so fucked up. I feel quite sad about that bridge in Minnesota.
Hopefully more inspired writing to come, but right now I’m just not there.
The news plays out, chefs are fired from a, regrettably, quite addictive TV reality show, and the tragedies keeps us wondering why the world is so fucked up. I feel quite sad about that bridge in Minnesota.
Hopefully more inspired writing to come, but right now I’m just not there.
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