First, while I understand that it seemed like I was freaking out about Wife going out last week (which I was at the time) my marriage with my wife is solid. We have a good understanding of what’s going on, the stress we each have, how to help each other out, and the commitment we both have for the other and our children; but for whatever reason I had a knee-jerk reaction that truly was not needed. She told me the next morning that “[I] should never send [my] wife out looking like that without smelling of sex.” Alrighty then. No need to worry.
Medical school is hard and the training process is tedious and long - for all involved. Perhaps my feelings of inadequacy came from the fact that Wife is older than I am, has been with me from the infancy of my desire to become a doctor, and will be with me throughout residency – a total of 12+ years. Considering that we’ve had some hard times, live in a relatively poor state (relative to my mind that is), and still have years of further fun ahead of us freaked me out for a while. But it’s over, we’ve talked about those fears, she’s allayed them as only my wife can do, and now we look at the month ahead where I will be out of state for a month, she'll be a single mother, and we hope that we won’t forget each other. For now I come home early, try to not study as much as possible, and tell her daily that I love her.
Secondly, comments regarding the name of this blog and my surname have been something that I’ve dealt with occasionally, but it seems like I need to let you know something about this blog - something that, while I thought was clear, apparently has been obscured by my attitude. A recent comment went something like this:
I think it would help to take a step back and look at your attitude, your post about wanting to kill that m2 for not giving you respect was hilarious, i mean come on-do you really take yourself that seriously? If you have that type of superiority complex I'm sure it comes through to your wife, other classmates, and yes future residency programs. Take a step back and realize that you are not the most important thing in the world just because you are going to be a doctor. A little bit of humility goes a long way both professionally and in your personal life.
To this end, no, I do not take myself seriously. Most of what I write is farce, hyperbole, and attempts at poking fun at myself. Did I think myself superior to the underclassman mentioned above? No, of course not. What was the basis of that post was the fact that he assumed superiorit,y because he felt I was a year behind him. It was absurd and that mentality is insulting and abhorrent.
My blog's title, Creating the Godcomplex, is simply a facetious name about the supposed “godcomplex” that occurs within physicians. Since I’m in training to become a doctor, what better name than this? Truly I don’t believe I’m a “God-like medical student” as evidenced by my posts; but since I’m “creating my godcomplex” I felt calling myself Medstudentgod seemed the natural path to take. Yet, people seem to believe I honestly consider myself a god. Untrue, untrue.
What may be coming across, that has caused people to feel I'm serious, is my true nature of being an A type personality who holds an absolute disdain for stupidity and laziness. That is not my godcomplex, but rather my nature of expecting people to behave like professionals when in medical school. When I worked out in the real world I was not an easy going boss to work for. I expected perfection - or as near as possible. That's just how I am...but it's not a Godcomplex.
And now, time for my dean’s meeting (hopefully today).
3 comments:
MSG - I'm glad that you posted. I didn't go all in depth in my response because I kinda knew that you were just venting in a bad moment...
Liz wrote something in an email that I really liked--true, happy (and real) relationships are made when you go through tough shit together--not the fairy tale romances where everything works out perfectly and you're never mad at each other, blah, blah, blah. It sounds like you and your wife have a great grasp on your relationship. Fuck what everyone else thinks, right? :)
(I really liked her reply back to you...hehehehehehe...)
...and about this person posting about your blog name? That's just plain stupid, to be honest. (It's just a name, people!) Maybe it's WMSE... :) :)
What you have to ask yourself is this: Why are you trying to convince the anonymous readers of your blog who have never met you that your marriage is good and that you're not a jerk? Why do you care what we think? If this blog is your venting tool (I know mine is), then let is be that. Let the crazy people who want to psychoanalyze it and tell you what kind of person they think you are from your writing say what they want and leave it at that.
On the other hand, if you care about the crazy people's opinion because they've struck a nerve, then maybe you DO have something to think about. Sometimes the comments people leave on *my* blog piss me off, but they're not always off the mark.
I was offended by that guy's comment on your behalf. I wanted to leave another comment telling him to shove it, but i didn't want to start some comment war. Basically, my feeling is that any regular reader of your blog can see that you were just venting and/or looking for support & sympathy of a community who may have gone through a situation similar to the one that you are experiencing now. You weren't looking for some jerk to over-analyze your name and/or your attitude. I thought your post about the younger med student was obviously funny and that you were being facetious.
As for caring about what anonymous people think of you, it's human nature. We all do it, we all fight it. All the nasty comments i used to get on my blog nearly made me stop blogging. Anyway, keep writing real, raw emotional stuff. I enjoy it and appreciate the fact that there is someone else out there who isn't 100% certain of every single thing in his life.
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