A Decision

I’ve decided to drop my last Anesthesia elective. My reasons are multiple and varied, but mostly hinge on the concept that I honestly think I’m fucking myself here.

I don’t feel I’ve done badly, in fact I feel I've been quite on point, but I honestly don’t have a clue. There’s nothing to compare my performance with other than the various medical students wandering around who, at one time or another, appear vastly superior to me and vice versa.

Some days are great – IV’s are easy, intubations a breeze, and the patient does well while I bond with the resident. Other days I get nothing right, get yanked out of a CRNA’s room to avoid her bitchiness about me "jumping on" her case, and seem to be put in the most absurd rooms where I can do absolutely nothing but sit there and stare at the EKG rhythms while important matters are attended to.

It’s been fun, but I’m scared about doing two electives in programs that I feel I’ll rank high. It’s just not been what I thought it would and it worries me. I have a good application and feel I will get interviews from most of the programs I've applied to regardless of "showing them my stuff". I feel that I could be hurting my chances here if one person thinks I'm not good for the program. It's a huge gamble.

Aside from all of that, I've also been told that most of the people I've worked with don't have anything to do with residency decisions, and even if they did they don't remember med students very well - because there's so many between now and February. So what's the point in making it harder for myself?

So, I now have to rearrange my schedule when I get back in a little over a week to fill in that month. Hopefully that won’t be hard to do.

Hi There

Hello from the busy world of Sub-I! Yes, I decided to let you know about the week I’ve had (short form of course) and that I’m still alive.

I’ll tell you right now that if you’re unaware of how taxing it is to be "on" all the time you have got to put yourself somewhere for a day and try it. It drains you. It sucks the energy out of you as you try to read, look busy, appear genuine while all-the-while kissing ass, and simply going above and beyond everything you’ve ever done in order to meet expectations.

It’s hard.

Saturday was a day off and I found myself completely asleep till 8:30am. That’s early you say? Considering I’ve become accustomed to the 4 or 5 am awakenings with work, Wife, and Daughter, anytime after 7am is really late. Really late.

It’s been very interesting and fun, however, and I’ve honestly enjoyed the faculty and residents tremendously. I find myself hoping for acceptance by their institution. It’s a great place and most of the residents are very keen on the teaching environment and have been quite friendly. My IV skills are being tested constantly and my intubation success has decreased a little based on the degree of complexity I’m seeing in these patients. Thursday I go to see my first neurosurgery case ever – it was hard to consider what needed to be done, but the resident was more than ready. Needless to say, it impressed me to see how well trained this CA-2 was.

Also I've lost my contacts (one was lost after falling out of my eye - in a case nonetheless!) and I purchased some glasses. I plan on getting some contacts again, but right now the glasses are fine and are more applicable to the OR environment anyway.

***

Today I submitted my application to ERAS (electronic residency application service) for the hefty sum of $270! Apparently I was charged separately because I was applying to 3 different types of programs (Anes, prelim IM, and Transitional Year) despite my dean assuring me that this wouldn’t happen. Hmm, my school’s not got the most accurate information? Who knew?
Anyway, I’m glad to be where I am right now, getting the ERAS crap over with, and can now look forward to accepting interviews – hopefully.