Obscured

I feel I need to clarify a few things from my last couple posts. I appreciate everyone’s comments, as always, but I think I should make a few things more transparent than maybe they are:

First, while I understand that it seemed like I was freaking out about Wife going out last week (which I was at the time) my marriage with my wife is solid. We have a good understanding of what’s going on, the stress we each have, how to help each other out, and the commitment we both have for the other and our children; but for whatever reason I had a knee-jerk reaction that truly was not needed. She told me the next morning that “[I] should never send [my] wife out looking like that without smelling of sex.” Alrighty then. No need to worry.

Medical school is hard and the training process is tedious and long - for all involved. Perhaps my feelings of inadequacy came from the fact that Wife is older than I am, has been with me from the infancy of my desire to become a doctor, and will be with me throughout residency – a total of 12+ years. Considering that we’ve had some hard times, live in a relatively poor state (relative to my mind that is), and still have years of further fun ahead of us freaked me out for a while. But it’s over, we’ve talked about those fears, she’s allayed them as only my wife can do, and now we look at the month ahead where I will be out of state for a month, she'll be a single mother, and we hope that we won’t forget each other. For now I come home early, try to not study as much as possible, and tell her daily that I love her.

Secondly, comments regarding the name of this blog and my surname have been something that I’ve dealt with occasionally, but it seems like I need to let you know something about this blog - something that, while I thought was clear, apparently has been obscured by my attitude. A recent comment went something like this:

I think it would help to take a step back and look at your attitude, your post about wanting to kill that m2 for not giving you respect was hilarious, i mean come on-do you really take yourself that seriously? If you have that type of superiority complex I'm sure it comes through to your wife, other classmates, and yes future residency programs. Take a step back and realize that you are not the most important thing in the world just because you are going to be a doctor. A little bit of humility goes a long way both professionally and in your personal life.

To this end, no, I do not take myself seriously. Most of what I write is farce, hyperbole, and attempts at poking fun at myself. Did I think myself superior to the underclassman mentioned above? No, of course not. What was the basis of that post was the fact that he assumed superiorit,y because he felt I was a year behind him. It was absurd and that mentality is insulting and abhorrent.

My blog's title, Creating the Godcomplex, is simply a facetious name about the supposed “godcomplex” that occurs within physicians. Since I’m in training to become a doctor, what better name than this? Truly I don’t believe I’m a “God-like medical student” as evidenced by my posts; but since I’m “creating my godcomplex” I felt calling myself Medstudentgod seemed the natural path to take. Yet, people seem to believe I honestly consider myself a god. Untrue, untrue.

What may be coming across, that has caused people to feel I'm serious, is my true nature of being an A type personality who holds an absolute disdain for stupidity and laziness. That is not my godcomplex, but rather my nature of expecting people to behave like professionals when in medical school. When I worked out in the real world I was not an easy going boss to work for. I expected perfection - or as near as possible. That's just how I am...but it's not a Godcomplex.

And now, time for my dean’s meeting (hopefully today).

My Take

There has been a great deal of discussion related to the soon to be infamous "Flea Incident" of which I posted about here. My disgust comes from the apparent reasoning behind the case being settled as well as the comments being left related to Dr. Flea. Some of the beauties I've seen include calling Flea "arrogant", "foolhardy", "asshole", and others. How were these expressions conjured up in the writer? Did they know Dr. Flea or have they had any interaction with him outside of his blog and the newsreports? Probably not, but damn if they're not quick to call him out for doing something that I'm doing right now - writing about my take on a subject based on my perspective.

There has been some rather interesting Anon comments circulating that are shedding some light into the legal world and the validity of the blog concern. I appreciate those as they are well thought out, purposeful, and inciteful. The comments that I'm quite disturbed by are from people who just found it arrogant for someone to blog about their experience - as if he thought he was too smart to get caught. Whatever.

I wrote a comment on Dr. Dino's blog related to these accusations that went something like this:

Is it arrogant to write about experiences and frustrations, victories and defeats, and to ultimately express oneself with the written word which Flea did so eloquently? If it is then call me arrogant as well. If anything it's just sad that people instantly dubbed this intelligent man as being arrogant based on very little information. I wonder if these were some of the same who would whole-heartedly agree with him on his blog only to turn against him so quickly.

The facts of the case are unknown to us, what is known, to me at least, is that Flea was a tremendous asset to the Pediatric blogging community and is now lost. We shouldn't forget that.

I'm pissed about the reaction Flea's mishap has brought up in the blogosphere. I understand that the lawyers want to win their cases and that if they feel they have an advantage they'll take it. That's life. Unfortunately physicians will often find it impossible to be judged by a "jury of their peers" because of the extreme divide between our profession and the laypeople. Lawyers are in the same boat. But what I'm really upset about is the almost universal dismissal of a very intelligent and courteous blogger who was also a physician.

I loved the Flea blog. I keep the URL up to this day hoping he'll return. I fear for his health and his ability to continue practicing medicine after being "outed" by a newspaper source. But what I hope quickly dissipates is the hate-fest going on by people who have no fucking clue what's happening.

Courage

Que Sarah, Sarah is a blog that I read every now and then. I was first introduced to the blog’s author by way of a comment she made about me and my blog’s apparent despicable character at the time on Dr. Couz's blog (I will not link to the post as this is not the intended reason for this post).

Despite this comment and the feelings that I initially felt towards her, I came to enjoy reading her thoughts on a semi-regular basis. I have not read her posts for some time though and was informed by Dr. Couz of her turn for the worse.

Sarah is most likely going to die within the month from malignant melanoma. The cancer has become very aggressive and all treatment options are not helping. Her husband is currently updating her blog as she is no longer capable. It was shocking to say the least.

I urge all of you to please take some time to read her story and learn about this courageous woman. If, for nothing else, than to realize how fulfilling life can be and how someone can take adversity and turn it into triumph. She has been tremendously brave and steadfast through this time and her courage has been awe inspiring. I honestly felt that she was going to be OK.

I wish Sarah and her husband the best with the time she has remaining with the strength needed as they endure this trying time. Despite our first impressions I came to feel like I knew you, Sarah. You are in my thoughts. Find peace.

Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

Something is happening in the medical blogging world. People are dropping like flies. I took a brief hiatus after I inadvertently deleted my past posts. I can only hope that these missing bloggers will do the same and return to us. Many of these are some of the first medblogs that I read and were inspirations as well as teachers in getting me to start my own.

So, for now, a fond farewell with hopes that you will soon return:

Flea

Fat Doctor (invite only)

FifeMe (invite only)

VitaminK

Barbados Butterfly

Hospital Phoenix (who turns up again and again only to disappear again and again)

It’s scary to wonder what’s happening here. Censorship, either self induced or forcibly mandated, is continuing its strangle hold of a profession who’s sanctity is quickly slipping away. Where have all the bloggers gone? Sad days indeed.