Calm, Cool, Not So Collected

Obviously I’ve been busy getting ready for the exam looming ever so close. Recently I had a complete panic attack - OK, Sunday and Monday I was freaking. I’ve heard multiple people talking about how Step 2 CK is now as important, if not more, than the Step1 exam that is infamous for causing medical student panic attacks worldwide (congrats to all those who’ve passed it BTW).

When I entered medical school there was a phrase regarding the 3 exams required to become a licensed practitioner: Step 1: 2 months; Step 2 CK: 2 weeks; Step 3: two number 2 pencils. This thought process essentially stated that the hardest test was first and then, based on your exposure to real medicine and patients, you’d breeze through the other 2 exams. Ha.

Unfortunately it seems that the culture has changed in the last couple years regarding this philosophy with an even more dramatic change in the last few months. It used to be that a good step 1 score meant that you postponed taking step 2 in order to avoid looking like a real dumbass (should your score be fairly low), or taking the test but hiding the results in your ERAS.

Those are, much to my surprise, no longer options for this year. Many programs will not offer you interviews without knowing you’ve taken and passed the exam while being fully able to see your score for these exams. You can’t hide it anymore. That was huge news to me since I had planned on doing that till last week.

Yes, after moving my test up a week I’ve taken a simulated exam that scared the hell out of me. I had serious anxiety and discussed postponing the test, buying another Qbank (since I’m 100% done with Kaplan’s), and dropping my elective starting next week to prepare more thoroughly.

Then I took a breath, reviewed my scores, reviewed my progress, and paid for a NBME diagnostic exam (best estimate for Step 1 last year) and have felt a huge burden lifted. No, I’m not in the same realm as my Step 1 score, but that’s probably not going to happen. I did not prepare myself like I did last year and nothing's going to change that.

I have resigned myself to this fact and evaluated the score I was estimated to receive - 233. That’s good. Really good. So why am I freaking out about not being higher? Exactly, fuck it.
I’ve reached a good healthy level of anxiety - not too little, not too much. Hopefully this carries over on Friday.

So, with that lengthy discussion of boring test minutia, no more updates till after the exam is over - I need to read some of my notes and review weak areas. Then I’m getting toasted Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Done with this shit.