Saturday, July 21, 2007

Ready or Not

During my breaks from taking exams and reading I’ve been trying to get my profile and information onto ERAS (electronic residency application service). A sense of fear and excitement has developed within me as I realize that I’ve graduated from simply listening to others talk about what to do, to actually trying to remember what’s been advocated and doing it in order to match where I want.

A year from now I’m going to be a doctor, with a real job, taking care of real patients (seriously?) in some area of the US. That’s fucking terrifying. I have no idea where that will be, what the circumstances will entail, if our family will be together (Stepson will not be coming if we move), or whether anything that I know now will be the same. It’s frightening to consider the complete turn-around our lives might take in a just a few months and a conversation with Wife confirmed this.

She called me this week to ask whether she should buy shorts and tee-shirts for Daughter for next summer. The convo went something like this:

MSG: “Why not?”

Wife: “Because summer in [colder climate states] is not what it is here. 70 degrees is not shorts-wearing weather.”

MSG: “Oh…(puzzling look on face)…I hadn’t thought about that. Damn.”

Wife: “So? Should I get them or not. What do you think?”

MSG: “Get them. I honestly don’t think we’ll be moving out there anyways – it’s kinda a long shot and I most likely won’t rank them more than 3rd...I think. Yeah...get them.”

Wife: “Ok, love you, bye.”

The fact that we have to discuss whether we can even buy clothing for next summer is ridiculous, but necessary. We’ve looked at housing, schools, jobs, etc. in these areas while trying to determine where the best fit lies. Our lives revolve around my training and results of a computer-based lottery system - absolutely fantastic and sickening at the same time.

I'm ready for the change, but the complete lack of stability kills me. After all, we've lived here for almost 8 years and have some support systems developed despite the lack of family. The thought of moving to a place where we don't know anyone again and have no support system - lord.


Old MD Girl said...

Where on earth is there a place in this country where it doesn't get above 70 degrees during the summer? MN maybe? Even there it gets into the 80s pretty regularly.... Your wife should be fine buying shorts for pretty much anywhere *I* can think of.

Pseudo_Doctor said...

gl on the upcoming transition to wherever it is, I'm sure you'll adjust without to many problems.

Double Headed said...

Unless you are thinking of moving to a North Pole (which I do not think is an option for residency anyway), you'll need shorts... Even if it is Alaska, for God sake.
Over the years of living with uncertain tomorrow I have learnt one thing - live your life today, make plans, buy shorts, and when the time will come for a change, just take for what it is. Never put things on hold in anticipation of something new. Especially shopping... common!

Anonymous said...

There are places in the country where you might find yourself not needing shorts for the summer. Once in a while, spring, which is pretty cool and rainy (even chilly), does not morph into summer -- in Oregon. Doesn't happen too often but it happens.

CG, it really is the pits not knowing where your family will land, the prospect of a strange community, especially when you have young children. It WILL work out fine, of course, but meantime.....

The Lone Coyote said...

It is rough. We had one of these conversations last night. The anticipation is very agonizing and it is ludicrous that the decision a computer makes can uproot years of stability. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

katiedid said...

I'm with old md girl, I live in North Dakota - we have a reputation for being pretty damn cold - but it's been upper 80's with a heat index of 100 the past couple of days. Also, 70 degrees is PERFECT shorts weather. ;)

I see your point though, having every little decision based on where you'll be, and not knowing where you'll be, has got to be really hard.

Bostonian in NY said...

That lack of stability and fate being decided by a computer-based lottery algorithm is has caused more than a little insecurity in my relationship...and I only just started med school last year. Best of luck beginning ERAS